Obedience Not Sacrifice

Although I have had wonderful feedback from people reading my blog because it’s a bit funny and at times sarcastic today I had a sudden realisation that I am not actually writing why I am currently ‘Em of Arabia’. You may have noticed the odd Bible verse at the bottom of each blog entry but I feel I am doing an injustice to God by restricting an indication as to His presence in my life to a mere after thought at the bottom of some pretty meaningless rambling about the desert and goats.

I came to Oman because God told me to come here. I knew no-one, knew nothing (and still know more or less nothing) about this country and I came here to teach English – a subject which I’m not particularly fond of.

Never in my life have I had to surrender all my bunny holes (my places of safety). I had to leave my Stephen, my Mom and my Dad, Tom and Bell and all the things which provide me with a sense of comfort, safety and routine. I have had to become spiritually naked, stripped of all my excuses and day dreams and expectations. I have had to learn to live every day by the grace of God. He only promises grace enough for a day and boy oh boy has that been a difficult lesson to learn. I have literally had days where every single minute was prayed through with God because I did not know how I would survive them otherwise. His amazing grace has seen me through some very dark times and not once have I felt the stifling grip of panic around my throat.

I have always avoided labelling myself as a Christian. I feel that the religion has got too many bad connotations associated with it, too many people sitting in the comfort of their homes, calling themselves Christian and doing nothing about their supposed call to faith.  I now understand the challenge of faith, I understand the daily struggle it is to keep God at the centre of my world when everything is foreign and scary.

I never really understood the concept of spiritual battle, of overcoming fear, anxiety and doubt. When Christianity is an accepted way of life rather than a way of being people take for granted the principles that Jesus taught. I am now proud to say that I hunger for His word, believing in Christ extends beyond merely living a Christian lifestyle.

I came here to make peace with my future but I am actually making peace with my past as well. The only expectation we can ever have of God is the faith that He will see us through tomorrow if we listen to Him and follow His promptings. I have spent far too many days trying to work out who, what, where, when and how I will be in my future without simply allowing God to be with me in my present.

Oddly enough I’m doing a bit of an eat, pray, love. In my case I’ve had to stop eating, using food to fill the space where God should be is what causes obesity. Don’t worry, I’m not starving myself but I have learnt that food is not a way through which one should punctuate ones day. And so now I pray, and I am by no means a flawless believer, but I know that I cannot ultimately love anyone else sufficiently if I do not love God first. I suppose its a bit like being a parent to a child – one has to love ones spouse first before one can begin to hope that one’s child will turn out well. The example I set through my relationship with God is one which I hope will then come to reflect in my relationships with others.

All of us have our obedience tested by God, and remember He wants ‘obedience not sacrifice’. Because I’m a fairly literal girl God decided to go old school in His test of my obedience – He sent me to the desert, like He did to Moses and Elijah and Jesus and countless others. I now know how marvellous it must have been for Jesus when Mary Magdalene washed His feet after a dusty day. I now know that the desert will test everything one believes in but its emptiness is also the place where God’s voice resonates best.

I feel I am at the beginning of a long journey where I truly seek to discover God’s will in my life. If we do what God wants us to do then it will be impossible to sink into despair – yes, sometimes God asks us to do things that we are sure are beyond our capabilities, stamina and faith, but when we do things with God’s power our potential is limitless. I would like to end with an image that has helped me to keep believing when things seemed too much...

My cousin Sam’s memorial was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. To lose someone who had such tremendous promise was a true tragedy. Her mom, Martine, was literally with Sam every minute of everyday and she no doubt aches for her daughter even in her deepest sleep. Martine was barely able to stand at the memorial and we all marvelled at her courage to see the entire service through, such is her grief. I remember looking up at Martine at one point of the service when we were singing one of Sam’s favourite songs – a mother who had lost everything, literally everything – was standing before God with her arms raised in praise of Him. If God can inspire praise in the darkest time in someone’s life imagine what He can do with light.